the future

for once, i am a little excited for the future. yes, poor things have been happening and i am quite terrified and overwhelmed, as i have the right to be. still, though, it feels like i'm going to be ok.
its not that i know that for sure. i just feel like if i can live and have these feelings of passion about things then i will be able to survive. mostly im just occupying myself with being excited to have a dog, in hopefully a few months. .... well, less than a year, for sure. its crazy how this is becoming a reality. ive been teaching myself how to care for a dog for about two years now, and it kind of just
started as something to have fun with as a hobby but now its a real idea instead of something i was just doing to distract myself, i guess? i know that i started because the idea of a personal service dog seemed really perfect to me, and i felt that a psychiatric service dog would be extremely effective against my crippling anxiety. i had seen a blogger i really admired who announced that they had started learning how to train service dogs, and i just thought it was awesome.
and now it seems like an actual possibility! it is absolutely a possibility! its fantastic! im so excited!
i could not possibly be more excited. ah, man. im doing a lot of research on poodles right now because i think that they might be the best breed for me. everything that generally listed about them seems like what im looking for, and im excited. all that matters now for me is the personality of the dog, so..
yeah, i am excited to meet a bunch of dogs and interview them.
i uh,, i am a little intimidated about learning how to groom, but i think it would be very much worth it since i want to have more dogs with a lot of fur in the future? i think while im in college ill prefer hiring a groomer to professionally take care of my puppy, though,
because theres no way that im going to have the time for grooming and i want to make sure that they are taken care of properly!
let's see, uh.
well, im still struggling with my recent break up. its probably not going to get easier for me, but im fine. i feel more focused on everything else, mostly because
i just dont really want to think about it at all. ive been more or less pretending that nothing has changed, because i think thats just how im coping with this until i have more time.
i think that i will be grateful if i go to art school, despite all of the things i have been told, i think that it would actually be a good place and opportunity for me as long as i dont overexert myself. im trying to be careful
so that i can be kind to myself and not feel like art is just work instead of something that i really enjoy. im hoping that i can learn a lot about illustration and then i can make even more beautiful art and not struggle as much.
i think if i keep that as my goal, ill be okay without too many broken expectations. i know it will be hard, but i think that if i have a dog as my friend throughout it all, i can do just fine. i have enough faith in myself for that!
im just a bit nervous, because i am growing up.

lets go back home